just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
