used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
