Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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