Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
