dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Bring me that man meat
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
