he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am available for nakedness
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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