i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
