do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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