Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
