..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
