i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
