why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
