I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize