Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
