you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
