he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize