We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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