wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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