She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
