jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I smell stomach acid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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