can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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