i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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