I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
