then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
