Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
