I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just pee around me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
