shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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