"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was confusing and full of hummus
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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