So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
