just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
