It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
