i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
