jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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