Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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