You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dicks are not precious.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
