super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
