I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
