Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
