I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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