At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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