Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
