so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
