I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
