my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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