Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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