I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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