My pussy is not your playground.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
