How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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