you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
