had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
