Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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