I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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