for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
