i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
