Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
