Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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