i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
