Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
