Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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