She is in my trunk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
