I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the day after is always just damage control
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
