Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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