Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I could make wine with my vomit
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
