I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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