This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
