Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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