When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
