Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
