My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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