He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
